Coming soon
I Never Agreed to This
The Rules of Love We Inherited, and How to Choose Our Own
Katie Wells, Founder of Wellness Mama
01The book
Rethink the relationships we never consciously agreed to.
“Do you want to get married?” is really about a dozen questions in a trench coat: a home, a bed, a bank account, a last name, the laundry, the in-laws, and the job of being someone’s best friend, co-parent, therapist, and emergency contact for life. Most of us never read the fine print. Katie Wells didn’t either. I Never Agreed to This looks at where our rules of love came from, what marriage gives and what it costs, and how to choose on purpose. It’s well researched, often funny, and honest, and it comes with a companion workbook for couples and individuals. You don’t have to keep the rules you inherited. You also don’t have to throw them all out. You just get to choose.
02Inside the book
What you'll find inside
- 01Where our relationship rules came from: evolutionary biology, Mesopotamian clay-tablet contracts, church canon law, coverture, and the 1950s breadwinner ideal.
- 02What marriage really gives us and what it costs, from happiness, health, and money to who carries the unpaid labor and the mental load.
- 03How other cultures do it, including matrilineal societies like the Mosuo, Minangkabau, and Khasi, and what they show about our own assumptions.
- 04What children actually need, and why commitments to kids shouldn’t depend on whether the adults stay in love.
- 05An honest look at myths from both extremes of the internet’s gender wars, and a path toward more understanding between men and women.
- 06How to choose on purpose: commitment, attachment, the fear of being left, and real options from living apart together to traditional marriage chosen with open eyes.
03About the author
Katie Wells
Hi, I’m Katie.
I’m a mom of seven, entrepreneur, writer, perpetual student, and enthusiast of asking questions that tend to make things more complicated before they make them simpler.
I’ve spent much of my adult life building things: businesses, communities, websites, podcasts, physical spaces, systems, and occasionally furniture that came with unnecessarily complicated instructions.
I started Wellness Mama because I wanted to understand how to create a healthier life for my family. That one question led to thousands of articles, hundreds of conversations with fascinating people, books, businesses, and an appreciation for just how much there is that I don’t know.
These days, my curiosity extends well beyond health.
I’m fascinated by how we structure our lives. Why we do the things we do. How we learn, love, parent, work, build community, and create freedom. And especially which assumptions we’ve inherited that might deserve a second look.
I love good books, big ideas, deep conversations, sunlight, movement, beautiful spaces, creating things, and a really well-designed spreadsheet.
I’ve changed my mind about a surprising number of things over the years. I consider that a feature, not a bug.
This little corner of the internet is where I share what I’m building, what I’m exploring, what I’m learning, and occasionally what I was spectacularly wrong about.
I’m glad you’re here.
Pull up a chair. We have a lot to talk about.
04Questions
FAQ
Who wrote this book?
Katie Wells, Founder of Wellness Mama. Visit katiewells.com
Is this book anti-marriage?
No. It isn’t an argument against marriage, and it isn’t a rulebook for replacing it. It takes the case for commitment, religious covenant, and traditional marriage seriously, and holds alternative arrangements to the same standard of scrutiny. The goal is better questions, not new rules.
Who is it for?
Anyone who wants to understand the agreements they’re making, whether they’re single, newly in love, divorced, or 30 years married and ready to choose each other again. It focuses mainly on partnerships between men and women, but the questions apply to all relationships.
Is Katie a relationship expert?
No, and she says so. She’s a curious person who got a lot of this wrong and went looking for answers. Every claim in the book is sourced with endnotes.
Is there a workbook?
Yes. Each chapter ends with a short Pause and Reflect box, and there’s a downloadable companion workbook with questions and tools for couples and individuals.
Who publishes it?
Unstitute, Katie’s independent publishing house. unstitute.com
When will it be available?
Coming soon. A way to get updates is coming soon.
05Updates
Get updates
A way to get updates is coming soon.